Maybe its just me but have you ever took one of those tedious quizzes on princetonreview.com or some other website to find "what in college should you study?". Well I took a billion of those quizzes and they all tell me something different. One time I took one and it told me I should be a bank teller. A bank teller?? I would never in my right mind imagine myself going to school all these years just to count some cash (no offense to anyone who does that). But as a sophmore in college, I am still lost on what I want to "grow up" and be.
As a child growing up in a lower class household, my parents pushed education on my brother and I. My parents didnt go to college because their parents parents parents only pushed on them to get a J-O-B. So I was the over achiever who read books all the time, on the debate team, always getting the awards at the awards ceremony, National Honor Society, the first to graduate with Honors in my family, and the list goes on. All the while Im doing all the activities I never sat back and thought, "What does Dominique wants do with her life?". As a child, I thought being a doctor wouldnt be too bad I mean its not that hard right? I just go to school a little bit longer than I'll be able to get my two door Mercedes Benz for me, my Prada purse, and my cute little dog name Sassy. But in all actuality, I was caught up in the glitz and the glam of having the title "Dr." in front of my name that I missed how challenging and overwhelming just getting into medical school can and will be.
Im majoring in chemical engineer now and so far i like it a lot but sometimes my mind wanders to other places because I really love to write. But then the aspirations of me and my Mercedes Benz (and you cant forget my Prada purse and Sassy) slowly diminsh because my mom put this image in my head of me majoring in something like that will in turn not let me get the things I really want and desire in life. I know my mom means well but I just need to decide for myself what do I really want to do.
So for now Im still in search of finding forever, something that is designed especially for me instead of always being in the grey of things. Hopefully something will speak out to me and scream "That's so you". But for now I will def going to give those quizzes a rest before they tell me that I should be
Dominique,
ReplyDeleteI have to say I share some of your ambivalence about aspiring to a job that comes with a title. As a future PhD, I will probably never be able to afford the Mercedes or the Prada, (and personally, my tastes run in a different vein) but I do see that such a distinction can be very valuable.
For me it's the respect that comes with being "Dr. Anderson" instead of Ms. Anderson (Mrs. Anderson sounds weird because I kept my last name). I think I'll be taken more seriously when that Dr. is in front of my last name. It seems to hold more weight.
However, in reaching this dream, I faced many challenges from family members. My in-laws, who I love, once asked, "why does a woman need a PhD? You'll just end up leaving your job when you have babies anyway." Ouch. It took a while, but I realized there criticisms were based on assumptions that just were not true about me.That really shook me. I'm not one of those women who go to school to get my M.R.S. (to meet the man I will marry) so I don't see myself putting my career on hold for children or hubby. So in the end I realized I had to live for myself.
I hung strong to my dream of studying what I love (fairy tales) and getting that PhD. I feel that I've faced and overcome the challenges.