How many times have we been in Wal Mart, picking up our weekly groceries, when we hear a child screaming at the top of his lungs, “I WANT THIS ONE!” and 9 times out of 10, what does the parent do? Ignore them, and pretend to not be embarrassed at their child’s obnoxious behavior.
And how many times have we said to ourselves, “My child will do things differently.”? The fact is, we can’t really know how we are going to react with the way our children act in public until we get there.
Today in America, we have things like “Child protection programs” that prevent parents from beating their child. And though this program is great for those parents who actually beat their child, it absolutely sucks for those who just need to correct their child. And where does that put the parents who just need to correct their child? In the middle of Wal Mart, embarrassed as all heck.
The programs are meant to help children who are really are being beat by their parents. This topic is a sad one, because unfortunately, it happens every day. The program, contrary to popular belief, WILL NOT take your child away for correcting them, or just spanking them lightly.
I am not by any means saying that every parent should discipline their child by spanking them. Have you ever seen the hit TV show Super Nanny? Well, she uses a non violent way to correct children, and I don’t know about you, but I’ve never seen an episode were it has failed. She simply lets them know that she means business by asserting herself in a way their parents don’t. And if you really, REALLY watch the show, she’s not fixing the children. She’s fixing the parents.
Children need to be corrected and disciplined early on in life. This prevents a lot of embarrassing moments at Wal Mart for parents, and also embarrassing moments around their future friends. If children are brought up right, they will also respect their parents more as well.
Just a few days ago, I saw a child in a mother’s arms and he reached over and slapped her! And not just a tap, but a slap! Though it probably didn’t hurt the mother, it is a serious lack of respect. What about Parent Protection programs!
Though this isn’t a laughing matter, I think this whole situation would have happened differently if the parent had disciplined her child telling him that it is not nice to slap someone, in a firm and assertive voice.
Too many households are run by children. I have a cousin who is around the age of 5, and a few days ago he came here asking if he could play my brother’s video game. My brother let him, and not too long after, his mom came over to visit with my mom. A little later, her husband called and asked if they would like to meet for lunch. She agreed that this would be a delightful treat for them all, and went to get her son. Soon after she went to get him, she came back, called her husband back and said, “sorry, not to day. Our child doesn’t want to because he’s playing video games.” WHAT?! In my book, I think she should have made her son get off of the video game to go and have lunch. Her husband’s plans for a nice family outing were ruined because she didn’t want to tell her child no.
Think about that. That is not the way things should have gone. It is because of the parents lack of disciplining their child that it happened that way AND why they ended up not going out for lunch.
So next time you are in Wal Mart, and you hear the child screaming, think about it. How will things be run in your household?
I cannot stand it when parents go overboard with baby-ing their child. Kids these days need to learn what "tough love" is. Spanking a child for a wrongdoing is not a crime but actually disiplining them.
ReplyDeleteIf a child is allowed to slap his/her mom without punishment at the age 5, then what would he/she be doing to their mother in the future? That is a very scary question.
What I think a child need is a good spanking for every wrongdoing they do. They need to know what is right and wrong from the very start. I grew up with this concept and I am proud to say that I grew up just fine.
Lyly,
ReplyDeleteI think that if used properly spanking can be effective; however, I think parents should only use this method of they can distance themselves emotionally from the situation. Wal-Mart seems to be a hot bed of cranky toddlers and ineffective parents, so I will pull from my most recent excursion to Wal-Mart as a case-in-point.
Today I witness a family (mom, dad and four kids) go through a public meltdown. It was ugly. The four children, all seemingly under ten, were acting out--but not to the point where I personally would spank. The kids were cranky and hungry, and everyone would have been happier if one parent had gone shopping and one parent had stayed home with the kids.
Anyway, the dad was clearly out of control. The youngest child was in a little car-cart-thingy and the second youngest wanted to get in with him, but their wasn't room. The youngest child started to cry and push her away. She pushed back, and the little boy almost fell out. The father bodily picked up the girl child and slammed her against a freezer and began wailing on her bum. She began screaming "why would you do that? Why?" Everyone stopped to look. His face was a mask of rage. It was beet read, and twisted in a snarl. However, perhaps I'm wrong, I thought there was a gleam of something--was it enjoyment, was it power? Whatever it was, it was ugly. It was scary and it was, frankly, wrong.
It wasn't wrong because spanking is wrong, but because the father wasn't spanking her to teach her not to misbehave, but because he was expressing his anger by hurting her. While he was expressing his anger by hitting his aprox 6 year old daughter, his sons were watching. I wonder, what kind of husbands will these boys make? What kind of wife will that daughter make?
While I think it's clear that I witnessed a family in crisis, not a family simply using spanking as a form of punishment, I do think this is an example of how spanking can and does go wrong. I think that many people cannot separate their anger from the act of disciplining. Angry spanking is harmful because the disciplinarian is no longer in control.
This teaches children two things: 1)that when daddy/mommy/authority figure gets mad, I get hurt, therefore I shouldn't make them angry (an impossible goal, we all get angry); and 2) whoever is strongest makes the rules.
This is not the same as teaching a child to behave well. This kind of thinking leads to victims of abuse and abusers and because of this, I don't think spanking should be the go-to punishment.
We all have tempers and I know that kids are the best a pressing their parents buttons. I think you were extremely lucky to have parents who were able to effectively use spanking as discipline and not as an expression of anger; however, I wouldn't be willing to risk the welfare of my own child on the gamble that in the heat of the moment that I could remain in control.
I actually really like Super Nanny's time-out technique. It's firm, but not violent and it gives parents time to cool off too before the issue is addressed.
Thank you both for your comments,
ReplyDeleteLyly,
I grew up the same way, and I may not have liked it at the time, but now, I thank my parents every day. I love my parents a lot more than most teenagers can say, and I think it had a lot to do with disciplining early on, to where I can hardly remember it, but I know what I can do, and what i can't.
Ms. Anderson:
Totally agree with you. If someone is going to spank their child, then he himself should be controlled, and it should be meant to teach, not for power or for glory.
I think when it comes down to a parent to discipline a child, the parent knows what he/she should do, the problem is, he/she is afraid that the child won't like them anymore. But that is not the case, Lyly and I are evidence that they will greatly appreciate it in the future. Sure, they'll be mad for a bit, but they'll respect the parent, and honor the parent a lot more if it is done.
So, though not pretty business, disciplining, whether time out or spanking (to teach, not for power) must be done.